I first met Antoinette Ross through a mutual friend, Attorney Precious Anderson Scott. At the time of our meeting, Antoinette had recently moved to Atlanta to get away from an ex-boyfriend. Quickly becoming walking buddies, Antoinette and I usually walked between 5:30 and 6 in the evening, after we both got off work. Antoinette did not know that I realized this, but this was her way of getting both exercise and free daily therapy from an overweight but Board Certified Psychiatrist. During our walk she would always get numerous calls from an ex-boyfriend from her hometown, Quincy, Florida. She had a somewhat ambivalent love affair with this guy that I have now come to understand more clearly. I never actually met him personally, but I had seen his car.

I recall one particular evening, when returning from our daily walk, seeing a police car that was not from the Metro Atlanta area. I assumed that maybe someone had a warrant from another county, but was still curious. I later called Antoinette to get more information. After some probing, she told me that her ex-boyfriend, a police officer, had shown up unannounced, in the police car, to take her to dinner. She initially refused, but eventually accompanied him to dinner. While on the same topic during one of our walks, I asked her if this was the same guy she moved here to get away from several months ago. Antoinette’s only response was a strange look. As a good psychiatrist, I immediately realized there was more to the story and asked her why she wouldn’t just marry him because he had to be in love. She reluctantly told me that he was already married, to someone else. I asked her why she was dealing with a married man, and she then looked at her then two-year old daughter. There was nothing more to be said.

One morning, Antoinette wanted to walk at 6 o clock in the morning. She told me that she had something really hot to tell me. Being the professional that I am, I have to be a good listener; even if it is 6 in the morning. Antoinette told me that she was moving back to Quincy, Florida. She said that her son was not doing well in school and that she needed more family support to deal with his issues. She had a good job but needed a few more coins to reach her financial goals without help from the children’s fathers. I offered her part-time work, as a secondary source of income, and she promised to think about it for a few days. Needless to say, she decided to move back home to Quincy.

I remember the last time we talked briefly, and she gave me an update mentioning that everything was going well. She was always excited to talk with me, because as I now see, I was her free, personal therapist. She rushed off the phone and was suppose to call me back, but I never heard from her again. Yesterday, I called Attorney Precious Anderson Scoot, who is also from Quincy. Precious told me that her childhood and lifelong friend, Antoinette, was missing. I was shocked to discover the story leading to her disappearance.

Antoinette had been trying to break-up with Lt. Barry Moore of the Chattahoochee Police Department. Boldly, she went out on a date with another man Wednesday, and when she returned, he was waiting in her driveway, in his police car. After a heated argument, they both got in his car and drove off. According to Precious, no one had seen her since. I decided to visit with Precious, who is 3 months pregnant, last night to offer prayer, support, and words of encouragement. Our prayer was that she was hiding out until the coast was clear. Today, October 24, 2009, at 7:45 a.m., I ended a call with Precious, who informed me that Antoinette had been found…dead.

She was buried in the backyard of her on again, off again, married lover, who was also the father of her three year old daughter. This sounds like big city Confusion, not small town Quincy. Apparently, he was nice enough to put her in a body bag to keep the dirt out of her face. Immediatley implicated in her disappearance, Lt. Barry Moore committed siiuicde just yards away from where her body was later found. Lt. Moore, an officer of the law, killed my friend in yet another domestic violence tragedy.

Dear Antoinette, goodbye on behalf of your three kids, ages 3, 12, and 15 and all that loved you.

Visit the following link to follow the story:

http://www.wtxl.com/global/story.asp?s=11374913

National Domestic Violence Statisitics (* From the Family Violence Prevention Fund http://endabuse.org/)

• Around the world, at least one in every three women has been beaten, coerced into sex or otherwise abused during her lifetime.
• Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives, according to a 1998 Commonwealth Fund survey.
• Intimate partner violence is primarily a crime against women. In 2001, women accounted for 85 percent of the victims of intimate partner violence (588,490 total) and men accounted for approximately 15 percent of the victims (103,220 total).
• While women are less likely than men to be victims of violent crimes overall, women are five to eight times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner.
• In 2001, intimate partner violence made up 20 percent of violent crime against women. The same year, intimate partners committed three percent of all violent crime against men.
• Women of all races are about equally vulnerable to violence by an intimate.
• Women are seven to 14 times more likely than men to report suffering severe physical assaults from an intimate partner.
• On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in this country every day. In 2000, 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner. The same year, 440 men were killed by an intimate partner.
• Women are much more likely than men to be killed by an intimate partner. In 2000, intimate partner homicides accounted for 33.5 percent of the murders of women and less than four percent of the murders of men.

When you should seek help for domestic violence:

• After he or she hits you the first time.
• When you become afraid to go home.
• When you/or your children began to have nightmares
• When you feel like you are in danger
• When you say no and he/she forces themselves on you
• When you start getting recurrent and harassing phone-calls
• When you feel suicidal
• When you feel homicidal

These are just a couple of my clinical suggestions for when a person should seek out help, however, the most important time to seek out help, is when you FEEL YOU NEED TO….

Enough Said,

Dr.O

What’s Your Current Mental Status?… Click on the link below and take Dr.O’s Mental Evaluation Screening to assess your current mental status:
http://www.drowensmd.com/index.php?option=com_php&Itemid=7