I’m Gay and My Lover Beats Me

Posted on 31 May 2010.

This issue is very prevalent in today’s society. I see a lot of patients that are being abused by their mates,verbally, sexually, and physically. I had a personal friend (Mr. X) who reported that his lover would beat him and then force him to participate in sexual activity afterwards. He was clinically depressed! Mr.X believed that his lover was in another relationship. With this, his belief wasalso that his lover was taking out personal frustrations on him. It appears that this issues were from the other relationship. However, he did not leave. When I asked him why he didn’t leave, he responded, ‘I am HIV positive and no one else will want me”. I then processed this statement with my friend. I asked him, “Why do you feel this way”? He responded that his lover had told him that during several of their fights. I then asked him if he believed the statement and he said, “Yes.” The work here has to start with self-esteem development and work on self. The victim in this case scenario will have difficulty with independence and/or standing up for himself. The issue with his HIV status is being used against him. It is obvious that his lover does not have a problem with his status and neither will some others. If he is open and honest from the beginning, he should be able to find a new love. If he is unsure of himself, has low self-esteem, and has a lot of self-hatred, he may not be able to get out of this relationship ever. This is the etiology in a lot of chronic abuse cases. The victim here must be helped to learn to love himself and gain better control of his sense of purpose and love.

Enough Said,

Dr. O

What’s Your Current Mental Status?… Click on the link below and take Dr.O’s Mental Evaluation Screening to assess your current mental status:
http://www.drowensmd.com/index.php?option=com_php&Itemid=7

D.O.A

This is a tough topic to chew here. By him having HIV and upfront with a new partner will more than likely leave him standing alone. Nobody wants to intentionally put a countdown clock above their heads. I’m sure he thinks this way as well and he will continue to feel this way. By him being afraid to be alone will surely make him stay in this severely abusive relationship. If he do manage to make it out then best believe his lover will smear the fact that he has this disease . So he is damned if he do or don’t mention it to a new love.
I never thought gay men got down like that. When I see them I see happy happy happy flambouyants etc. Sounds to me with this relationship is that one is more masculine perhaps he is bi sexual or downlow. I trully believe ppl are born gay and trully gay men embodies a heavy femenen way about them. His lover sexual and physical violence reminds me of SOME of those who are in prison who rape men after beating them. I wish the best fir this young man but he really is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

admin

Thank you for your thoughtful and insightful reflections. However, could you give me a little more insight on your thoughts that people are born gay. This is a HOT button topic!

MyTruth

Let me start by saying that my heart goes out to your friend for his current status and for him thinking it warrants him being in this awful situation. I was unaware that such a thing could happen between two men. My thought is that if you’re both men why can’t you fight back? Protein shakes and 3 days a week at the gym is all you need. This is not some big burly guy slapping around some 95 pound defense less woman. As far as the mental abuse he needs to know that you shouldn’t put your health at risk just to say ‘I have somebody.’ You want to say I have a GREAT somebody not just somebody. If he can learn that he will quickly learn to walk away from this situation with a head held high and all the pride in the world. So many people are with others JUST so they won’t be lonely. I can never make sense of this way of thinking.