Should I Stay In An Abusive Relationship?

Posted on 26 May 2010. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This is a question that many people have been faced with at one time or another. The second question that many people have is, “can I afford to live independently”? In today’s harsh economic times, the answer is usually no! Another issue is how to participate in sex with an abusive mate. This is a very difficult feat that many people have learned to accomplish, but the harsh reality is that sex against one’s will is simply RAPE. Staying in an abusive relationships is not what the doctor ordered, and can certainly lead to both depressive and or anxiety disorders.  What you have to do is assess the risks and the benefits of staying versus leaving. It may mean a temporary setback, but it is a matter of your health and happiness.

Now you really have to be careful with abusive mates because some of them can be very dangerous. Talk to your physician and family if need be, however, plan your strategy and be slow but deliberate. Moreover, don’t jump to a new relationship soon after leaving a bad one; take some time to process and review what possibly went wrong in the previous relationship.

Enough Said,

Dr. O

What’s your current mental status?… Click on the link below to assess your current mental status: Dr. Owens, M.D. Pre-Screen Mental Health Assessment

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  • Anthony

    I think that people stay in these kinds of relationships thinking its something they can correct if they do certain thinking or cater to their mates. What people need to realize is that it is NOT their fault. These abusive actions didnt just begin with this relationship.
    No matter how connected or attached they may feel to this person, when you have to make excuses for marks or feeling bad because you have been degraded mentally.

  • Jackson

    How do you accept the fact that your mate who has been out of their abusive relationship for a few years but every so often the ex, lingers on somehow and refuses to stop communicating with your mate?

  • admin

    This is both good observations. Thanks for sharing.

  • DaUrbanGent

    Is it possible that the sex isnt rape? Although, a person may be in an abusive relationship (verbal or physical) the sexual aspect could be the true connection & provide a sense of normalcy to the madness. Im not convinced; the sex just may be the reason a person cant leave.
    …Just a thought

  • MyTruth

    Physical abuse relationships are bad but in my opinion mental abuse relationships are worst. If you survive, cuts and bruises can heal but if you are dealing with mental abuse it lingers long after you’ve gotten out of the relationship. The bad thing about mental abuse is you don’t notice it right away but with every comment it chips away at your self esteem and your pride. You find yourself feeling bad about your life until finally you feel your not worthy of anyone and no one will ever want you. Major depression!

  • #itsironichow

    Its funny how people find themselves in situations like this. You will see women like Rhiana or Robin Givens who are absoluetly gorgeous. So you think to yourself how could these women who have self worth and accomplished so much allow someone to abuse them. But thats looking on the oustide in. Usually we have this idea of an abused victim being this ugly, fat, unintelligent, unsuccessful individual. But thats usually not the case. The truth is, I believe abuse occurs when and individual experiences a lack of/or a loss of something at an ealry stage in life and then attempt to search for that missing piece in someone else. So as a result they become dependent on that individual. Making them and putting themselves in a vulnerbale state. So once a person is in a vulnerable/dependent state its hard for them to come to a realization that they dont need that person. So the ABUSE continues….

  • admin

    WOW! The insight into this issue is breath-taking. We should probably schedule a live pod-cast. What do you guys think?

  • Anthony

    True. That’s why I’m a firm believer in it taking a village to raise a child. Where the parent or parents fall short, u have another “villager” to step in and pick up the slack!

  • Troy

    It’s amazing to see a person realize they aren’t in a healthy relationship and then decide to leave. If I were to guess, I think more than 70% of people have been in a relationship where some type of physical abuse took place.

    What do you all think?

  • Anthony

    Got some disturbing news yesterday. One of my classmates was murdered at her home by her ex-husband. So when does it end.
    I m not sure if any violence took place during their marriage but how does an argument boil over to committing murder of an ex spouse 4 years after the divorce.
    Should she have seeked some kind of protection or did they both need counseling?
    One would think that after the divorce is completed, then you would think there was some sort of safety after the fact.
    Go figure!

  • admin

    The paradox of abusive relationships is that some victims don’t want to leave. In some instances, they even rationalize their partners abusive behaviors.


About Dwight A. Owens, M.D.

As a practicing physician, Dr. Dwight A. Owens, has a respected voice in psychiatry that truly makes an impression. He keeps readers enthralled by refusing to shy away from controversial topics and pulling no punches. He also adds spice to the blog by commenting on the state of relationships at every stage, from the first encounter to the daily struggles in even the most satisfying marriages.

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