Should Chris Brown be Forgiven? Advice for abusers

Chris Brown: To Be or Not to Be Forgiven (Relationship 101 series)

Dear Chris Brown,

I really enjoyed your PERFORMANCE last night. You really did a very good job saluting Michael Jackson, the King of Pop. However, the “Man in the Mirror” catharsis confused many of us watching. Were you really that depressed last night? We were trying to figure out where your emotions purged from during the performance. There are basically to schools of thought:

1) You really missed Michael Jackson and this final number personally overwhelmed you.

2) You began to reflect on the words of that particular song, with regard to some of your past behaviors.

The verdict is not out yet. Maybe you could provide us with some insight into your experience while on stage last night.

Chris, a lot of victims of abuse and victim advocates are not ready to forgive you and saw last night as a Publicity Stunt. I, on the other hand, am not sure if this experience was not genuine. I do realize that you experienced abuse yourself, so some of your behaviors may be mimicked from your childhood. The physical abuse topic is HOT and Chris you are still in a pretty tight spot. Did last night change the minds of the fans who deserted you? I don’t have that answer.

Here is the thing Chris, the incident with Rhianna was really bad. Many people are NOT ready to forgive you just yet. As a mental health professional, I believe that your rehabilitation has started, but certainly not finished. The truth is Chris, God is the only one who can really forgive you. I believe that you and Rhianna are collegial and I know that she has forgiven you because it’s the appropriate thing to do for her own healing. It may take the general public a little longer, but here are a couple of suggestions for you:

Remain in treatment for your own sake and not the public eye
Commit yourself to more public service and be genuine
Be yourself
Don’t expect everyone to forgive you
Remember that time heals all wounds

I can not endorse the performance as real or genuine because I really don’t know what is in your heart. Can a man change? Just take a look at yourself and make that change. Chris in your case, start with the man in the mirror and not the man on the stage. I hope this helps. Remember this in your future relationships.

Sincerely yours,

Dr.O

If you did not get a chance to see Chris Brown’s performance, you can check it out by clicking here:

Chris Brown BET Award Show Performance

What do you think? Did Chris genuinely leave his heart on the stage, or was he just giving a really good performance becuase he is a talented performer?

If you or someone you know may be in abusive relationship go to:

//www.drowensmd.com/index.php?option=com_php&Itemid=7

Nupeskolar3-Anthony

I think he was sincere. He was a fan of MJ and has been blacklisted from damn near everything. Was he wrong in the Rhianna situation,YES he was! But how long will he have to keep apologizing? That was between the 2 of them and if they have moved on then why cant we? Everyone has done something in their past and gotten a 2nd chance, when does his 2nd chance start!? He will be fine. But I’m sure those were real tears and a ton of emotions that came up on him! Judge not lest ye be judged. That’s all…

admin

@Nupeskolar Hello how have you been? Just one correction, it may have been between the two of them , but it was NOT between the two of them. When you are a Mega-Star as Chris was and still is, everyone is watching. I believe that he might have been sincere last night, but this hole is pretty deep that he is in!

CRYSTAL

I think Chris Brown’s tears were genuine. He was overwhelmed by a combination of what he has gone through with this entire ordeal, MJ’s death, his personal failures, etc. We are so quick to dismiss someone for their mistakes. We need to lift that young brother up and stop critcizing him.. I’m sure he’s learned his lesson..for real!!! Who can really throw stones??!!!

admin

@Crystal. I agree the problem is that some many different attitudes and positions on this matter. It kinda reminds me of the Michael Vick tragedy. I hope that Chris will be alright.

Layla k

I saw this comment elsewhere, but I totally agree:

I think people tend to forget that MJ suffered ridicule too. Michael died never redeeming his name. It’s only after death he is getting the recognition he deserves. MJ was never proven guilty, but people treated him like he was anyway. I’m sure that Chris was crying tears for MJ as well as for himself. He knows his pain. Difference here is Chris was in fact guilty, but hopefully people will be open to allowing him to redeem himself and get the second chance MJ didn’t get in his lifetime”

admin

@Layla K. I am just not sure the BET Awards was the appropriate venue for a catharsis.

Layla k

If it was in fact, a genuine response/emotion, then there was nothing Chris could do about location or timing don’t u think?

admin

@Layla K I think that the expression of his emotions, on stage, was a little over kill. Afterall, Chris is an actor. I am not convinced of the authenticity of his emotions. It has certainly got a lot of discussion, so it worked.

Sweetgirl

I watched the performance and was Very surprised. Chris is a great performer and I expected him to hold it together and give a GRAND FINALE. The age difference between him and Micheal Jackson has to be at least 20 years or more, so I doubt he could have been That full of emotion. I mean its not like he is Randy Jackson or someone. If it was a catharsis, then I have to agree with Layla K, I don’t think you can control when a real one happens. But I still think this was a planned, media-capturing performance more than something that stemmed from his soul.

admin

@Sweetgirl I am almost sure that it was a media stunt. However, it did work in some circles. Some females are quickly ready to forgive Chris, Hhuh that is very odd behavior. With this, I am wondering how many people have accepted abuse as a norm?

http://askdro.com chris

I agree with layla, it was genuine and he actually felt MJ’s pain and that man deserves a second chance. He had been there, suffered abuse himself, that of course will affect him someway!

admin

@Chris. Was Chris Brown that close to MJ to have those kind of emotions?

http://askdro.com chris

@sweetgirl trust me age is only a number , it can not define the intensity of emotions one may feel for another. I have come across MJ fans who are share a bigger gap in terms of age and the best part is they have never forget meeting….seen him alive, you should see the way they cried for him. People are funny!
melodies

Well, let me make a suggestion. Chris Brown should indeed do the things that makes him happy. There is too much stance on this subject about what he should do for the public. If some Americans haven’t forgiven him,they never will. I believe there are people who will not admit they already have forgiven.I don’t get. So there is a saying you can’t make anyone happy unless your happy. I feel in his pursuit is to keeps winning the hearts of the people who do care. Everyone follows the crowd. Because trying to win back fan who have already made their mind up will just make him crazy. My advice: Mr. Brown stay true as you have and everything will work out. It’s already starting.People are now looking into Rihanna and for the first time trying to understand what really happen in that car. especially with a young man who never had a history of fighting with women. This is the first time the world is now into examining many who call themselves victims of domestic violence. Again, I say we don’t know all that happen in that car. It truly is None of our business. Though we are quick to label this young man as an animal. To some He should never be forgiven. Even to where some think they know where his heart was for the performance he gave up on the BET award show. It’s a shame. people need to really examine themselves because everyone is human and we all learn from our mistakes. It called l life lessons.

admin

@Melodies. I think that most of us would agree with most of your statements. However, the issue hear is was the BET Awards the appropriate place for that type of display of emotions? God is truly the only forgiver, but some might see Chris’ behavior as being attached to secondary gain.

brooklynkid1180

Why not the BET Awards? Is that not “our venue”. He showed that he was human. It was a very emotional thing for him to do. He had been ” black listed” from almost everything. At the time of Micheal’s death, he was not allowed to perform. I knew then that no one could have dedicated a tribute to Mike like Chris Brown. Usher did his thing…..and not to take anything away from Usher, but Chris Brown’s performance was AAA rated. His movements were the closest thing I have ever seen to Mike’s. ( I have been a MJ fan since 1970…..day 1.)

To me it was like a repent/therapeutic thing. When people are in church and overwhelmed by their emotions, they run up and down the isle, cry, scream, and fall all out. We understand that……don’t we? (I am not trying to compare God here, just emotions, and forgiveness – okay). I am quite sure when he practiced this performance, he was determined to do a good job. Chris is an excellent act and the song, music and choreography brought the emotions out in him. (Ever been to a Chris Brown show? He gives you your money’s worth.)

Chris is a young man, and given the money and privilege that he enjoys,……..he did not know how to handle the situation. A more mature man would of put Rhiana’s butt out of the car, in a heated situation. That would not have been gentlemen like, but she would have been able to get home with out being bruised up.

Who’s to say that Rhiana did not start the conflict. I do not think a man should hit a woman under any circumstances, but we do not know what part she played…….And if this was not the first time, why did she not have the mental stability to leave him alone.

The BET Award’s is something that we look forward to every year. It is like the Super Bowl of the Black Entertainment community. We award our own and it is our family reunion.

Chris Brown’s record sales are not going to go up because he had a moment. He is not going to get his commercial back, or any spots on the couch on late night tv. He did his community service, paid his fines, and I truly believe he has learned his lesson.

Entertainment types do not pay the same dues as everyone else, but Chris was made an example. They worked his pocketbook, denied him entry into Europe, how much can the poor boy take?

His emotions just overcame him. And if you ask me the BET Awards were the appropriate place for it……….

Give the man a BREAK

admin

@brooklynkid1180. This is my consideration. When a man’s emotions are genuine, they are usually manifested in private. I agree, chris has paid his dues, but his comeback needs to be more startegic tham the BET awards. Black America is supportive and forgiving for the most part. He will come back but we may need a little more time.

brooklynkid1180

What do you want? A little more time for what. You act like he attacked your mom or something. That particular performance might of just got to him. and to me that was okay. He just fell apart.

I don’t think he was trying to get sympathy for his past mistake/actions by becoming overwhelmed with emotions during that performance.

I have been in an abusive relationship myself, and you are right. You have to go inside and work through the demons on your own, at your pace. Most of all in private like you stated to realize “your actions, what you contributed, where it came from and how not to continue.

Crying on stage and “acting” can not answer those questions. That performance had nothing to do with Rihana. He was not saying forgive me…He was doing a tribute to MJ. The music/choreography, etc. overwhelmed him. Man in the mirror, take a look at yourself and make a change. Do you actually think he wanted to look like a “punk” crying on stage in front of everyone and his colleagues.

To me, society and the media will not let him get past this. You forget he is young. He is also a part of the industry and their lessons are not taught and learned the way regular people are taught and learn. His consequences are different. Some will never forgive him. He has to forgive himself and learn not to do this again.

Black America is supportive for the most part, and we should assist with nurturing him back. I know this sounds like a cliche, but “others” look for anything to prevent him from moving forward. We should try to speak positive about/to the brother so he can do better. Were we that in love with Rhiana? We should not come down on him because he had an emotional moment. ( I mourned MJ a whole year. I was surprised at myself, but I have been a fan since I was 9 years old. I am now 50. It was like loosing a family member.)

We all know there is 2 play books. White/Black. It has been over a year. Let the brother move on. Give him a chance.

DrO, being in the mental health business, why are you not suggesting ways to get over this. Use this to explain how to move forward, forgive and let go, etc. You are sounding like the media to me. Domestic Violence is a big thing in this country. Its not a black thing, white thing, rich or poor.

Every man that hits a woman is a victim too……think about that!

admin

@Brooklynkid1180. I am not sure that you recall Chris was not the victim is this domestic violence situation so I am not sure that he has anything to get over as it relates to that particular situation. However, if Chris indeed as he states was a victim of DV, he should immediately enroll in therapeutic counseling with a qualified and licensed professional. Hopefully, they will allow him to process his issues and deal with any pinned-up anger. This will be very important for him personally as it relates to his continued development psychologically and professionally. I hope this further helps clarify my position.

brooklynkid1180

When I called Chris a victim, I meant that his behavior was caused by something. He could of lashed out because: “of pinned-up anger,” past experience, not knowing better, or because he is in a world that is privileged. I think we both agree, there was a reason, whether he recognizes it or not. He has felt the consequences.

That to me makes him a victim too. Although he was delivering the bites, punches, and Rhiana looked a mess, something was wrong inside of him. You are right, he should get some help. I agree with you.

On the other hand, Rhiana (and others that are in abusive relationships) need psychological and professional help too. She allowed herself to be in a relationship like that. She did not pay attention to the bells that went off. She accepted it and stayed. I get tired of domestic violent cases where the person that is getting abused, do not accept that they contribute too, and get all the sympathy. As long as you stay, you will get abused. Tina left Ike after 20 years or so of abuse, when she got enough she walked away…..right. On the extreme end, you can’t forget Lorena Bobbit, we know what she did when she got enough.

I still do not believe that Chris’ performance was about strategy to get back in good graces. He has been on the side of the road picking up garbage, humiliated by the media, collegues, if he has not gone within to check himself, then he cant have any feelings. He does not own us anything.

admin

@brooklynkid1180 You are right. I guess we are both just saying that they both need HELP! My only fear is that others will use them as role models. Do you think that this is a vulnerability?

Chris Brown: To Be or Not to Be Forgiven (Relationship 101 series)

Categorized | Celebrities, Newsworthy

About Dwight A. Owens, M.D.

Download Dr. O’s eBook

Dr. O’s Videos

Stay up to date

Sign up for Our Newsletter

Dr O on Facebook

Chris Brown: To Be or Not to Be Forgiven (Relationship 101 series)

Categorized | Celebrities, Newsworthy

About Dwight A. Owens, M.D.

Download Dr. O’s eBook

Keep up with Dr O

Dr. O’s Videos

Stay up to date

Sign up for Our Newsletter

Dr O on Facebook