The Thrill is Gone…Now What?

How do you tell your spouse/lover that you are no longer interested in them? This is actually easier than you’d think, because most people prefer honesty. I see couples with this issue on a daily basis; I teach the infusion of honesty. The fact is, I don’t preach divorce, but some relationships are just unhealthy. Abused people see the world differently; they have a thwarted view on reality, therefore, sometimes they can’t see their way out.
Now if you are feeling like you are no longer interested, you probably aren’t. The real answer is for you to be transparent: let your lover/spouse know how you are currently feeling about them. If they have become too fat, tell them. They too, in fact, may be ready to leave. If your are no longer interested, then you may become abusive…so just leave.
On the other hand, if you feel like your spouse/lover is no longer interested in you, ask them immediately. Don’t hang on to lost or false hope; encourage yourself to move on and continue living. Now, will you experience an emotional roller coaster? Maybe or maybe not, however, if you settle for being mistreated and abused, it will only get worse. If you change, will he or she stay? Usually, if they do, it is only temporary. When it is over, it is usually over for good. Most of us realize when it is over, but we cannot stand the impending depression. When you can identify the issue that leads to your depression, you can abate it quicker. It is the endogenous, long-term, insidious depression that kills. You can get out if you really want to be a success.

Final Synopsis:
Once the thrill is gone, part as friends and re-build your own life.

How do you tell a lover/spouse that you’re no longer interested, or that you need to leave a relationship? Let me hear your thoughts on the blog!

What’s Your Current Mental Status?… Click on the link below and take Dr.O’s Mental Evaluation Screening to assess your current mental status:
Dr. Owens, M.D. Pre-Screen Mental Health Assessment

nupeskolar3

Sometimes it is hard. Feelings are involved. There is time invested. You kind of backtrack and check to see if you did your part to make everything work. Then there are sometimes lingering feelings. You don’t want them, and you know its not working but then its hard to imagaine them with someone new. Crazy huh?

AskDrO

@Nupeskolar Crazy but true. We have to be real with ourselves. Have you had a bad break-up?

Aero Engineer

Move all your stuff out, then send them a text saying, “I’m out!”

AskDrO

@Aero Engineer. Now you know that it ain’t that easy! Or is it?

Aero Engineer

Oh…if only it were! Leaving all depends on the type of relationship (married or not), length, and the reason you are together. Do you have a business or other joint venture together? I believe being honest and respectful are the key ingredients. You did care about each other at one time, so remember that as you go your separate ways. Revenge and spitefulness should not take over the process. Those are two of the most time-consuming and dangerous emotions. Respect the other person, and allow them to move on as you will do.

AskDrO

@Aero Engineer. Very good observations. However, what do you see as the most powerful predictor of future behaviors?

sweetgirl

I fully agree with the direct and honest approach. You don’t have to be abused or depressed to end it though, sometimes people simply outgrow each other. I think it’s best to do it in person if you can, but I am not sure that it’s so easy to part as friends. A lot of people consider breaking up to be rejection and they get angry about it. In some cases, it’s just a matter of who says it out loud first because the other person has been waiting. The old song is true, “breaking up is hard to do.” But if it is time to go then you have to go so you don’t get depressed from staying.

Dr. O, I have a question: Is there a difference in being sad about the end of the relationship and being truly, medically depressed?

AskDrO

@Sweetgirl; A clinical depression is 2 weeks of a depressed mood or lost of interest in any and all activities.You also need to have at least 5 of the following symptoms; Sleep disturbances, Appetite disturbances (too much or too little), Concentration Problems, Lack of Energy, Suicidal Thoughts, Loss of Interest, Guilty Feelings, Psychomotor Retardation/Agitation. Break-up or not, anyone with these symptoms should seek professional help immediately.

Judy

Very good question! I’ve been married for 23 years and the thrill is definitely gone!!! We are just living together just to live together as I raise the children in the Lord. I am constantly praying that the Lord will show him there is no life without salvation. My goal is to have him find salvation in Jesus Christ. Abuse?!? My husband has actually told me to find someone else to fulfill my initimate desires. What nonsense is that? I am a good wife, mother and hard worker. Why can’t men see that they have a good woman behind, on the side and in front of them? I’m not trying to hang on, but he just won’t let go. Go figure!!! I truly think I need therapy!!!

AskDrO

@Judy. First off, you can’t help him find salvation, he has to find it for himself. I am confused. Did I understand you to say that he suggested that you find someone else to fulfill your intimate desires? Then you stated that he does not want to let go. Please clarify. Questions 1) Were you saved when the two of you got married? 2) Is he currently (sexually) seeing other people? If you answered to yes to one or both of these questions, look at the “Woman in the Mirror,” and make some decisons for yourself and your children. You can not make anyone love you.

Judy

True I can’t help him find salvation, but I did lead him in the right direction. He heard the word, it touched his heart and he accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior. 1) No I wasn’t saved when we met, but he knew of my strong belief in God. 2) No he’s not seeing anyone. 3) You’re right, I can’t make him love me. I came to that conclusion years ago when I did everything I could to make my marriage work. Now that he has found salvation I am praying for release from him. The only reasonI haven’t filed for divorce is that I am the only source of income in my home and can’t seem to find it in my budget to get the paperwork done. Would you happen to know a lawyer who will get me a divorce “Pro Bono”? LOL

AskDrO

@Judy Trying Legal Aid or search the web for someone who will do it for the low low. If it is uncontested, the price should be fairly reasonable. However, it sounds like you still have some investment in him. Hummm….

Judy

Yes he did tell me to find someone for my intimate desires because he’s not interested in pleasing me. Oh trust me. There’s alot more to this story. I am very serious about the Pro Bono lawyer for a divorce.