Being sexually intimate with your abuser

Sleeping With the Enemy

Posted on 01 July 2010. Tags: abuse, abusive, anxiety, ask Dr. O, askdro, change, D.owens, deception, depression, Dr. O, dwight, fear, fearful, help, intimate, Marriage, men, misled, obsessive, out of control, owens, relationships, trick, unfaithful, warning, women

Dear Dr.O,

My spouse is physically abusive. After a night of cussing and fussing he wants to be intimate, which includes sex. I am afraid to say no. What should I do?

Mrs. Y
Texas

Dear Mrs. Y.,

First you have to seek out help and gradually remove yourself from this type of situation. I applaud you for your transparency because I am sure there are many others in the same or similar position. Plan your exit. Don’t move to quickly as he may become more intense and or aggressive. The bottom line is that you must remove yourself for safety as well as peace.

Dr.O

Dear Readers do you have any more suggestions for our friend. If so leave a comment for her and others who are “Sleeping With the Enemy.” Readers she really needs to hear from you!

If you are not happy with your realtionship go to://www.drowensmd.com/index.php?option=com_php&Itemid=7

sweetgirl

Is it better to gradually remove yourself from the situation or to just get up and go? I’m not the expert, but the second choice worked better for me! I took a lot because I had to plan and prepare for my exit. But when the time was right, I just “Got outta Dodge”! I had to care for my young son and keep him fed and safe, so there was no time or money for counseling until a while later. But I was blessed to make it and now we are both doing just fine and I decide who, what , when and where-when it comes to matters of intimacy. As a matter of fact, I decide-when it comes to ALL matters.
- admin
  
  @Sweetgirl First off, I am very proud of you for getting out of that situation. The concept of “gradually” should be used synonymously with “safely.” I just want the readers to be safe. Sometimes angry spouse/lovers will commit murder-suicide when there is the threat of abandonment. However, your points are certainly valid and well taken. Thanks for being transparent.

Categorized | Female Depression, Love and Happiness, Marriage Counseling

About Dwight A. Owens, M.D.

As a practicing physician, Dr. Dwight A. Owens, has a respected voice in psychiatry that truly makes an impression. He keeps readers enthralled by refusing to shy away from controversial topics and pulling no punches. He also adds spice to the blog by commenting on the state of relationships at every stage, from the first encounter to the daily struggles in even the most satisfying marriages.

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