Question of the Day: Do 21st Century Christians Participate in Pre-Marital Sex? (Repost)

Posted on 28 August 2010. Tags: ask Dr. O, askdro, cheating, controversy, D.owens, Dr. O, dwight, Marriage, misled, owens, premarital, relations, relationship, relationships, sex, unfaithful, women

Many of you have asked that I give this post a little more time on the BLOG. Go for it and tackle this difficult subject.This is the million dollar question that seems to be causing a lot of controversy. Let me hear your thoughts and ideas on the Question of the Day!

Heather Hawes

Of course they do – I guess we don’t take our salvation serious enough
- admin
  
  @Heather. Hi classmate! What remedies would you suggest or have you almost given up on Sunday School and the church?
sweetgirl

I think that most men will marry a woman after pre-marital sex. However, I also think that most men would prefer to marry the woman who did not give it up. But, it really is up to the woman to decide how she will handle her body and her business.
- admin
  
  @Sweetgirl does this also apply for the young ladies who are professing salvation and or Christianity?
Angel

Yes, people r participatin n premarital sex? Does it make it right? No, it doesn’t according 2 scripture, its better 2 marry than 2 burn. Some of us struggl wit the issu, becaus we feel that if we don’t giv hav sex, we will miss out on somethin, which is the TRICK of what I believ is the enemy. I struggl wit no the issu, but with the action. I understand that it’s not right, I also understand that I hav sexual desires that I want 2 b fulfill, & becaus I hav already endulg n sexually activities, that is y I hav those feelins. Some r able 2 control it more than others. Since, I can’t do it alone, I hav 2 ask 4 God 2 help me, but sendn me a husband, I believ that he will. Does that mean, I still don’t want 2 hav sex, no it doesn’t. I’m a sinner, saved by grace, mercy & favor.
- admin
  
  @Angel What happens when mercy and favor run out and you get pregnant by a man who may or may not stick around?
PJ

Any other sin is not like this one of fornication because it affects the temple…hmmmm…I was trapped once into thinking that I could not do without sex…I was addicted..a funny thing happened though..the closer I got to God..the more difficult it was to enjoy the act…I would spend the next day trying to wash the act off my skin and out of my spirit…I prayed to God earnestly to help me overcome..one night during the very act..I burst out into tears…not just tears but uncontrollable bawling…my married partner (married to someone else) thought he had hurt me and when I could nt stop crying got dressed and left,….that was in 2005..October will be 5 years of celibacy and I have never been more free in my life…if you fear (reverent) God…you will nto want to hurt Him or grieve His Spirit..sin separates us from God and grieves the Holy Spirit. That is my uneducated take on it…lol..Have a great day!!
- admin
  
  @PJ Uneducated or Educated whatever you so choose to brand it, you spoke the truth. Do you have any particular strategies/scriptures that may help some reader who may also be in sexual bondage? If you would post them, that may certainly be helpful.
sweetgirl

We are all human. It is the nature of humans to have a sexual appetite. Even those with various disabilities. However, the Christian conversion experience is supposed to empower believers with the ability to resist temptation. With that being said, I admit that I know Christians who genuinely love and believe in God and His Holy Son, but they DO participate in pre-marital sex. Most of them claim to feel guilty after and often speak of praying for forgiveness. However, a few days or weeks later, they are right there again. I think you have to want to be totally celebate and commit to it or else your nature will rise and cold showers only have a temporary affect. Does the Bible say you HAVE to be married to have sex? Adam and Eve were not married were they? Jesus’ sexuality isn’t even mentioned is it?
- admin
  
  @Sweetgirl I am sure Jesus was heterosexual. He like man, was tempted in all areas, but sinned not. Noe humans are born into sin and shaped in iniquity. The true question is will a close walk with Christ/Your Redeeemer maintain you from yielding to sex, if you have been sexually active prior to your conversion? What are your thoughts?
Aero Engineer

Yes. We were born into sin, and the only redemption is Jesus Christ. Being a Christian does NOT mean you will not experience, take part in, or “embrace” sinful acts. Whatever sinful acts are performed, each individual must ask for their own forgiveness.
DedicatednDeterminednOhio

It is the sad and unfortunate truth that many so-called Christians today participate in pre-marital sexual intercourse. As a blogger has stated before, and from what I am observing, quite a few Christians today are not taking their salvation and relationship with Christ seriously. It is written in scripture that we should present our bodies as a living sacrifice for the Lord God daily, and that we are to keep ourselves as undefiled (pure) as possible. Engaging in such sinful behavior not only brings consequences to the self, such as unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, but it can also bring an ungodly spirit of shame, complacency, and weakness in the sanction of marriage. Seems to me that nowadays, it is more convenient for people just to hook up this way, which is a shame and not right.
Another thing about this issue is that quite a few people have what I call the “used car” syndrome. There is a spirit of being mediocre and second-best in our society when it comes to living for the Lord. If you really think about it, would you want to have a “used car”? I don’t know about anyone else, but I love having a brand new car. Why? Because it is “pure;” there’s no “disease,” no “drama,” and nothing wrong with it. In the same way, I encourage others as well as my myself to keep on being celibate until the Lord God brings to me the one He wants me to marry. I trust in Him, and I know that if I do it Satan’s way, there will be a lot of consequences which will hurt me and my family. I have already witnessed the devastating consequences of pre-marital sex through stories from my family, former classmates, and others, and I do not want to suffer those devastating consequences.
As I close and leave from partaking in this discussion, I leave to say that I feel encouraged and blessed to have been surrounded by positive role models who lead me in the right direction. To those who did not have the opportunity to grow around positive role models, I encourage them to not give up and to hold on to a precious treasure that they have inside of them, which is virginity. I know the temptations that we face in this life, and I know that some days are harder than others, but the Lord God will never fail you, nor will He forsake you. Someone who is reading this needs to hear this, because they are struggling whether or not to continue being a virgin. Just keep trusting in the Lord God…in due time, He makes all of our dreams come true!
- admin
  
  @Aero Engineer This is the sad truth. Thank you for that insight!
- admin
  
  @DedicatednDeterminednOhio Your words are certainly very encouraging and I am sure that those who read and take note will be encouraged and helped. Thanks for the both spiritual and natural reply!
DedicatednDeterminednOhio

@admin Thank you for the kind words, and it was a pleasure to share in the discussion! I wish you many blessings and have a wonderful and pleasant day. You are very welcome!
DeeDee

At the end of the day, when the sun goes down… Holiness is right. God instructed all of us to be holy as He is holy. Living a celibate life is not always easy (there is a difference in being celibate and being a virgin), but IT CAN BE DONE! God promised us the desires of our hearts so if we desire to contain ourselves, He will bless us to do just that.

It seems to me that there remains a double standard in Christianity. If a woman has sex outside of marriage, she is condemned with greater disdain than a man (in many circles-not all). I have heard ministers and pastors, even bishops say that “The brother just made a mistake, let’s forgive him and love him through it.” Because the woman often “bears” the visual evidence of promiscuity when their pregnancy comes forth, SHE is asked to step out of the choir or to sit down from ushering while the “good brother” keeps right on. IF she is genuinely forgiven, it is sometimes hard to tell!

THUS, it is better not to play with fire than to risk the severity of permanent burns!
- [Blocked by CFC] admin
  
  @DeeDee I agree with you on this one. However, how do we get this message out with love?
Essdie

I agree with @DeeDee. In the church world, men have it better. Maybe its because in general they run things and look out for their own. I have never seen a guy sat down or silenced because he got a lady pregnant while claiming to be a Christian. Actually, I have never seen a male be addressed in church about a pregnancy, but I have witnessed young ladies brought down front and made to confess that they have sinned. Understand that was back in the 60′s and 70′s, I don’t know if that kind of stuff still goes on because I don’t go to church as much now as it did back then. They told us “Keep your pants up and your dresses down!” back in the day.

People are going to do what they want to do in and out of the bedroom. I admire people who’s faith is great enough to keep them celibate. I am not one of them, but I think its a great accomplishment and encourage them to celebrate being celibate! God bless you all!
- [Blocked by CFC] admin
  
  @Essdie So when are you going to start back going to church REGULARLY? LOL I agree with your remarks. The church does have a double-standard when it comes to women and sexuality issues. What recommendations do you have for Pastors, as it relates to the issue of pre-marital sex, in the 21st Century?
Regina

Yes, and a lot of of young christian women especially. I learned this in at the COGIC AIM Convention. One admited it and not with just one but multiple of men. There were questions from our young women about sex more than anything. Will he marry you later? Maybe, but more than likely he won’t because it probaly not about Love. I am more concerned now about having a dealth sentence from having casual pre-martial sex than getting pregnant.
- admin
  
  @ Regina. I agree with you wholeheartedly. However, what advice would you give to a young, COGIC woman who wants to stop having premarital sex?
DedicatednDeterminednOhio

@DeeDee and Essdie-It is very sad and unfortunate that men in the world of ministry seem to get away with sexual sin. I have witnessed it, and all I can say is is that it is not right. Finally, I encourage women that although this is happening to keep on serving Christ, even though we cannot see Him. One day, we will all stand before Him and be judged. By no means am I watering down what your views are; they are important.
Regina

Good question because there was not an answer in my opinon given. First of all she started by saying she felt there was a calling on her life to be a woman of God in the music ministry and on the other hand she could not stop the sexual activity well…What I really wanted to say in keeping it real was if you are able to recognize the calling, you certainly should be able to identify it as the devil being up to something and if you are going to attend to your sexual desires you should certainly only need one man. Why have a sex with one that can’t satisfy you? Apparently this is the reason for needing multiple, that’s a waste of time and certainly energy because it is evidence that they are looking to feel something and more than likely it is Love/ affection and sex and love is two different things. It is good to say pray but this young women should have been admonished to talk with a professional and certainly to talk to God. As I said I see it more of a death sentence than a case of pregnancy.
- admin
  
  @Regina. Thanks for the clarification. Did I sense you were seeing this young lady’s issue as maybe demon possession, an addiction or both?
Regina

I don’t see it as a demon, I see it as she has a void in her life and feel that a man is the source for it being fulfilled. The young lady admits that there is something really special about her it would shame for her to now give that up just because she have been exposed to a man and liked what ever it is or was while being there. I can’t say there is an addiction but more than likely she is trying to get the feeling that she once felt and that may never happen again. I’m standing in the gap for her and I don’t have to know who she is. What I do admire is that she was willing to expose it rather than having someone else to do it, she has made the first step.
brooklynkid1180

Holiness is right. I agree with the above bloggers about christian values, righteousness, and loving one self. But………..

Our society is driven by sex. We are so saturated it is not funny. The media, fashion, music causes us to fail at the appropriate behaviors toward sex. Another crutch we as blacks hold on to. Like the nutrition and institutional racism. – you agree………elaborate
- admin
  
  @brooklynkid1180 I am not sure that Blacks are the only ones falling into society’s sexual healing escapades. I am conflicted on this one. Here is the thing, “sex in the city” has become “sex in the church.” Pastors, Saints and Friends are participating in adultery, fornication, homosexuality, freakism, etc. What are we to do? Where are the good old fashion role models? Is there any such thing as character in the church? Is this a thing of the past? I really don’t know what to think and or who to believe.
vinnii

I think it is absolutely neccessary to have premarital sex. I brings lovers closer together. No one said it would work out for the better all the time. Everytime a baby is born, we always say it is a miracle. so who gets to decide which is one and which is not.

vinnii
- admin
  
  @ vinnii. VERY good point! You have opened another avenue of discussion that can be debated.
- admin
  
  @Vinnii What about sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted preganancies? Is this a concern that you would have even for your daughters or sons? What about the church and their position, is it archiac? You said “absolutely necessary.” I love your passion, but give me a little more insight.
Lia

It’s sad about what Christians are doing against the word of God. After raising my two daughters, I recently re-entered the dating world and was shocked beyond measure to find that I was not in the category for marriage unless I would first engage in pre-martal sex to men my age (50) who felt that their sex lives from previous relationships were so bad that it had to be tried first before committment. Unfortunately, these men move on to women who would yield them their favors and I’m left to conclude that doing what is right before God will not make me popular. It really is a narrow road to eternal life.
Todd

More Christians are realizing that sex before will not send you straight to hell and besides is it really wrong? We need to STOP trying to be so dam perfect!
- AskDrO
  
  @Todd That is serious. Do you thinks that a lot of pre-marital sex will dampen the honeymoon night?
http://www.rahulgladwin.com Rahul

I’m a Christian, single, and never had sex. I’m a true Christian and take my religion very seriously; I’m sure God has already chosen my life-partner, which means I don’t have to sleep around with as many women as possible. You should be aware that the US media portrays Christians as “promiscuous” and “immoral” than we really are; I’m not sure what your source is, but your facts are probably over-exaggerated.
- AskDrO
  
  @Rahul. I am sure that this was a question. The source would be my readers. Do you feel that the readers are not being honest with their posted comments?
[Blocked by CFC] Mary

Hello everyone!
Well with wisdom come knowledge, (With all thy getting, get an understanding) Okay, talking on this subject is touchy for me but here goes… (Eccl 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.) let me give my testimony…I was 25yrs old when I became a Christian , before then I’ve always wanted to wait until I was married to have sex (but that wasn’t the case) If it feels good do it… it’s your body is what the world say! So I did what sinners do… I sinned!! But when I gave my live to GOD I asked him to keep me until I was married because I know I couldn’t do it! So I became active in ministry! You name it I did it!! (Prison min, outreach min, choir /no I can’t sing… usher, children church, Sunday school teacher youth min… and the list goes on!!) I grabbed a hold of Eccl 9:10a What so ever your hands fine to do, do it with thy might… that was over a period on time, but that kept me. I had to make myself accountable so the youth is where I put my focus… I learn that there was NO way I could tell teens to keep themselves until marriage and I wasn’t doing it! In addition, God gave to me to look at our relationship like a marriage (after all he is married to the church) so would I cheat on him with another? (I know it might sound crazy but it put things in Perspective) If I can be faithful to God in this area I can be faithful to my own husband when God sends him. I had to learn to trust and depend on God for everything! It thought me how to love, patience, the power of pray, and fasting, I got in his world… spending quite time with him, trying to understand his will for my life. How long did I wait you asked…? I’m glad you did! For me it was tooooooo long! I thought I was going to die because I didn’t thing he would do me like that. J There were some nights the phone ring, and there was some nights I picked it up, but GOD kept me for fifteen long years!! I meet my husband in 07 a Christian man that loved the Lord, but when it came to that we didn’t see eye to eye, so we part ways. I prayed and asked God if he was the one give him the strength to wait… He came back, but his mind wasn’t change and neither was mine, so we part ways again and I prayed again (lol)… Can I just say prayer works, because I didn’t give in and we got married last year! I would say to anyone that truly wants to wait… give it to GOD and trust that he knows what’s best for your life. I know it may seem hard, but your flesh is always going to war against your spirit but know that “WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU IS FOR YOU!! And in his time he will bless you with it… “Proverbs 10:22 THE BLESSING OF THE LORD MAKETH RICH, AND HE ADDED NO SORROW WITH IT!” May the peace of GOD be with you always!
- AskDrO
  
  @Mary This is a wonderful comment. Thanks!
http://www.7springscofc.com Melvin Bryant

Dr. Owens, people are defiant toward the will of God…….Paul said that perilous times will come (2 Timothy 3:1) and in verse 4 he warned that men would be, “…lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God”.

I understand that times have chan…ged GREATLY however, it doesn’t negate the fact that mankind is still subject to obey God…AND, for those who practice pre-marital sex in which the Bible calls “Fornication” (Galatians 5:19) verse 21 warns us that, “…those who practice such things will NOT inherit the kingdom of God”.

Fornicators (as the Bible tells us) will NOT go to heaven and the Hebrew writer tells us that it is impossible for God to lie (Hebrews 6:18).
- AskDrO
  
  @Melvin this is my question for you, many of the leaders of our churches are doing their own thing; stealing money, having sex with parishioners and many other unmentionables, so how do we restore the integrity to the church so that we can teach strong Christian principles?
Yolanda C.

Yes I believe single christians are having pre-marital sex. When you have a personal relationship with God he will help you abstain but until then you will continue having pre-marital sex with a smile on your face and joy in your heart. As far as marriage is concerned it depends on the individuals in the relationship. It can go either way.
- AskDrO
  
  @How can we help our young people who really want to live right and free of pre-marital sex?
[Blocked by CFC] Arla Schnitz

Good Blog This may be of some use for you. Few things after reading this I must say for safe and even christian valued dating and advice http://www.linegod.com is a good place to start.
- AskDrO
  
  @Arla Schnitz. Thanks for the link!

Categorized | Love and Happiness, Premarital Sex, Question of Day, Relationships

About Dwight A. Owens, M.D.

As a practicing physician, Dr. Dwight A. Owens, has a respected voice in psychiatry that truly makes an impression. He keeps readers enthralled by refusing to shy away from controversial topics and pulling no punches. He also adds spice to the blog by commenting on the state of relationships at every stage, from the first encounter to the daily struggles in even the most satisfying marriages.

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