Now, cheating is bad in every sense, but secret lovers are more often times than not, kept secret because the lovers involved have gotten together within a group of people who already have close ties. Remember when the trashy show “Jerry Springer” was popular (and yes it’s still being aired)? Many times guests would come on the show to reveal to a loved one that they have been cheating on them with their cousin, best-friend, sister, brother, aunt, uncle and sometimes even their parents. Upon hearing this, it’s not hard to imagine what happened next, which was a lot of screaming, crying , yelling and then charging to initiate a fight scene that was somewhat similar to that of the “Mortal Combat” movie lol.

According to Infidelity Facts, 17 percent of men and women have admitted to emotional and or psychical cheating with a brother or sister-in-law. Infidelity Facts also reported that 74 percent of men and 68 percent of women would cheat if they knew they could get away with it and that the average affair lasts up to two years.

Isn’t it amazing how many people would chose to do wrong? I just read an article the other day in Ebony Magazine, about Tina Campbell, of popular Gospel music group MaryMary, revealing that her husband and father to her five kids, Teddy Campbell, cheated on her with a family friend.

Read the clip of her reaction from Black Media Scoop:

Once I became aware [of the affair], I initially wanted to kill my husband,” she admitted. I was considering adjusting the will, the living trust and all that kind of stuff. I did physically try to stab him. Several times…I never got to the point of physical harm, not really, but my words…My words hurt.

An extreme reaction like attempting to kill your husband after learning of his infidelity, is understandable considering that the two of you vowed to stay together, and only “be” with each other until death do you part. But, marriage vows also include partners promising to be there for each other no matter what, through the good, bad, and ugly and cheating is a part of many couple’s ugly phase, so with that being said, Tina said in the article that she has forgiven her husband.

If you’re truly in love (like Tina said) and you want to make it work, relationships do have the potential to survive cheating. It won’t be an easy process and the trust may take a while to regenerate but over time it can be restored.

Here are a few ways to determine if your partner/spouse has a secret lover:

• Your partner now has a new and odd work schedule (different work hours than before, causing them to be away from home and with that other chick)
• They declare they just want “some me time”.
• They become irritable when asked about their whereabouts.
• They leave the room when talking on the phone.

I hope this post was helpful, and to all you secret lovers out their, come on out into the light because it will shine on you eventually anyway.

Dr. O

Picture source: http://hellobeautiful.com/2520777/man-cheating-change/

The post Secret Lovers, That’s What You Are! appeared first on AskDrO.com.

The topic of sex comes up daily in many of our conversations. The most frequent questions I currently hear are:

1. Who is too old to have sex?
2. How often should married couples have sex?
3. Shouldn’t you try the hat on before you buy it?
4. Should children change your frequency of having sex?
5. What should I do if my spouse does not give me any?

I will answer the above five questions and then give you a concluding response to the title of the post.

How old is too old to have sex?

This is an individualized response. This to me depends totally on the person. I have known of some seventy and eighty year old couples that are still sexually active. In marriage, the bed is undefiled and usually when you have two healthy individuals with active hormones and the right chemistry, ain’t o telling what might happen (FIREWORKS). I do know that there are peaks and valleys in a male and females sexual appetite throughout the life-cycle. I have seen some women lose their drive during the peri-menopausal period, but soon after menopause  their sex drive goes up and can go down. In essence it is up to the individual couple. They can have sex as long as they feel healthy (heart functioning appropriately) and they have the appetite and strength as well. If you are a 45 year old man or woman and one evening of sex wears you out for a week, you may want to seek another hobby.

How often should married couples have sex?

This is a much needed discussion. It is essential before marriage that couples read this post and complete a partner-inventory-survey. This is a discussion that can certainly be held before marriage and commitment. What I see often in practice is, after the honeymoon period, sexually things fall apart. Initially there is excitement and the newness of the relationship so sex is not a major issue or point-of-contention. However, once the music stops, things can become a bit more complicated. It is important to have at least a couple of discussions about your sexual habits, behaviors and appetite with your perspective spouse. It is kinda hard to trade a spouse in once you have signed on the dotted line.

Should you try on the hat before you purchase it?

First off, in the church we do not believe in premarital sex. So the question becomes, “How do we know if we are sexually compatible before the night of the honeymoon. This is where pre-marital counseling and very vivid and distinct discussions have to be considered. A couple of considerations you need to keep on the front burner;

• Is this his/her’s first marriage?
• Is he/she a virgin?
• Are there children from previous relationships?
• Does he/she have chronic medical problems? (HTN and Diabetes)
• How does he/she see intimacy and what are some of their views?

Well, I guess you see I have not answered the question yet. In my opinion, this is a discussion that you have to have with your “own” religious leader. If you don’t have one, use your own spiritual discretion. This is a touchy subject for most involved.

Should children change your frequency of having sex?

Of course, there will be changes when the child is very small. There will be required feedings every 2-3 hours , as well as, some exhaustion. However, you will have to really work hard at keeping the “flame of sex” alive during this period because sometimes it goes out or is dimly lit. You may have to schedule date nights or other appointments to do what you do. I must caution you not to neglect your spouse because there is a new baby, but just be sure that everyone has an understanding. Communication is the key during the initial birthing period. However, after all the children get a little older and sleep in their own bed, let her rip again!

What should I do if my spouse will not give me  any?

This is a frequent problem. First, make your reasonable request known to your spouse. If they are physically ill, you should be understanding. Also, if it is that time of the month, you should retreat also. However, if you are feeling sexually neglected and your spouse keeps promising you sex but never provides you with release, you should seek professional counseling with your spouse to find out why. There may be a problems from childhood, fatigue or an undiagnosed illness. However, address it sooner than later.

 “Yes, sex is essential for most healthy relationships.” Some of you may agree or disagree. I would like for you to pick up my book, “Am I in a Bad Relationship?” and let me hear your thoughts on this topic as well.

One of the top 10 reasons relationships fail is because of irregular sex or lack of sex.  So what are you to do when you feel like your sex life is on the verge of extinction. You throw in all the cards and you SPICE it up! First make sure that you and your partner are sexually compatible.  Some people can be one way in person and a TOTALLY DIFFERENT person in bed.  Take the time to get to know your partner intimately and do not be afraid to share with them the things that you like and do not like in bed.  Sometimes you have to think outside the box and start attempting to do things outside of your comfort zone.  Believe it or not spontaneity and trying new things can make you more sexually aroused.

So maybe switching things up a bit might help a bit.

Dr.O

The post Sex in the Graveyard: Kinky, Insane, or Immoral? appeared first on AskDrO.com.

Now I have never strayed away from controversial topics and today shalt not be any different. Here is the questiom, “I s church membership/attendance required to make heaven?” Now of course, if you are a non-believer, you can still read this post an just indulge. This is becoming a real debate amongst the saints. (or church-goers) Many are just tired of the politics, extra offerings and church scandals. It appears that every week something new comes up that could shatter your faith. Now, I must provide a disclaimer early, I am convinced that a personal relationship with God is important, but not quite resolved on the question at hand.

Now, I am convinced that a daily prayer, meditation, and scripture reading is required for spiritual growth and development, but what does one do when his/her church has loss its focus. If church was working  for a number of us, why is the rates if suicide and depression increasing in the churches. I myself just can’t do the special days anymore. I would rather sit in a nice movie day in the middle of winter. I don’t mind giving honor to whom honor is due, but when we start honoring man more than God it is a problem. How many of us can truly say that our church is involved in real ministry? How many of us can truly say that our church has retired the building fund committee? It just appears that many of the 21st century church are stuck. Now, you may challenge me on this one but let me give you just a few facts;

1. Most of us have changed our church membership in the last five years, at least once. LOL
2. Most of us have a favorite televangelist. (Joel Osteen, T.D. Jakes, etc.)
3. Most of us are or have boycotted a Building Fund program.
4. Most of us ar sick of the same old church rhetoric.
5. Most of us have taken a Sunday morning off to visit another church/assembly.(Not to include bedside baptist)

Now that are a couple of perfect church members that probably never complain, but I am sure you have high blood pressure. So I need to hear from you on this hot and trending topic…Is Church Attendace Required to Get to Heaven?

Thanks for stopping by,

DrO

Hey, don’t forget to check-out my new book, Am I in a Bad Relatrionship?

The post Is Church Attendance Required for Heaven? appeared first on AskDrO.com.

According to Yahoo! Sports, Harris contacted his then future school, Michigan State, to tell his  coaches that he would not be joining the team after all. Apparently his school was already skeptical after they reviewed his material ahead of time and were ready to dismiss him anyway. “John Lewandowski, Michigan State’s associate athletic director/communications who confirmed the news”, said that the choice to not work with Harris was mutual. Michigan State thought Harris’  lyrics are “quite explicit in his raps, oftentimes smoking marijuana and mentioning drugs, women and homosexuals” ( which is really nothing out of the ordinary from any other rapper out there).

Now I know that there are plenty of people that have been successful without the aid of a college degree BUT I don’t think it was necessarily good for Harris to close his window of opportunity before he ever got to feel the breeze from it. I understand that people have to follow their dreams but I refuse to believe that every young Black males’ dream in America is to become a rapper or professional athlete (its beside my point but Harris was already on the road to one but he cut himself short lol). I’m convinced that this is a fad that has yet to blow over. Nowadays, I know everyone thinks they can just make a YouTube video, go viral and become a sensation over night but that doesn’t happen for everyone and this kid, well, I just don’t see it for him.

I think that everyone should peruse what’s in their hearts but I want the Black community to know that you don’t have to be in the music, entertainment or sports industry in order to be successful. I’m a successful Black man with my own business and practice and I’d like to think that I’m doing pretty well for myself (pats self on back). Sure, a rap career may get you on the fast tract to money but at least make sure you’re talented enough to sustain yourself especially if you’ve turned something down in place of it.

As Black people, especially our males, the odds are already stacked against us in more ways than one. America is the land of opportunity but it’s also the land filled with loop-holes, racism and corruption and a lot of times its more challenging for members of the Black community to navigate through those obstacles. With that being said, and not to imply that Harris was in need or poverty stricken but why would slap away a hand that’s extended to help and better you and your future?

I would personally choose college over a rap career any day because of the knowledge and skill sets learned there that I would and should if you’re committed to learning, obtain. If someone wants to do music that’s great but a career is not guaranteed and there’s no safety net to fall back on like the options a college degree opens up.

Anyway, that’s my take on the matter but what do you think? Should Jay Harris have taken his football scholarship or based on the video, do you think he has a successful rap career ahead?

Dr. O

Picture source: http://www.healthforall.org.uk/?pid=20

The post Rap Career vs. College Education: College Hopeful Gives Up Football Offer for Budding Rap Music appeared first on AskDrO.com.

Courtesy of Media Takeout Website

Courtesy of Media Take Out Website

This, if a stunt for fame, is probably one of the most low down things a person could do.  I am curious to see or hear what Tyler’s response will be to the accusations.  This is a law suit waiting to happen for deformation of character and slander.  I hope this guy Walter is “lawyered up”.  Because if he thought a little backyard brawl was all he had coming for him, I am sure there is more to follow.

Tyler Perry is not only financially capable of handling any bad publicity but also very influential.  I am sure he has the resources to deal with this matter accordingly.  It is not Tyler that I am worried about.

After you watch the video let me know what your thoughts are. Is Tyler gay? Do you really care if he is or isnt? After watching this YouTube video will you continue to go see his movies? I am definitely going to have to add this topic to my next addition of “Am I in a Bad Relationship”.  Topic: “What to do when my gay lover outs me” 

Enough Said.

Dr.O

The post Say It Aint So! Tyler Perry Outed By Gay Male Companion: Check Out Walter Hampton’s Video appeared first on AskDrO.com.

People it is important now to interview your perspective employers. You may not want to get to bold by asking questions like, “What is your turnover rate?” However, you can ask questions like, “Is there a pretty good team to work with in your unit?” Sometimes that initial response from the interviewer is worth a thousand words. Also, make eye-contact with a couple of the staff as you walk in for the interview. They may give you a couple of cues and hints about the climate. Also, check out the feel of the place. Is it cold and quiet or is it light and cheery? Are people moving around sending off rather positive vibes or are people buried in the cubicles watching the clock and waiting for lunch. If you can, ask to talk to a couple of staff along without the immediate supervisor. Then you can be a little more frank and ask gingerly the questions that you really need to know before signing on the dotted line. Failure to scope out a perspective place of employment can be deadly and a health hazard. You can not imagine the number of persons coming in to see me secondary to occupational stress. Most time, even the most difficult job and or task can be made easy with the right leadership. However, when you hate that boss, things quickly fall apart and you may began to experience headaches and other anxiety-related disorders. So go ahead and eel the place out before you sign-up for failure. Believe it or not, you do have a choice and don’t sell yourself short.

The post I Hate My Boss..But Need My Job to Survive and Live! appeared first on AskDrO.com.