The topic of sex comes up daily in many of our conversations. The most frequent questions I currently hear are:

1. Who is too old to have sex?
2. How often should married couples have sex?
3. Shouldn’t you try the hat on before you buy it?
4. Should children change your frequency of having sex?
5. What should I do if my spouse does not give me any?

I will answer the above five questions and then give you a concluding response to the title of the post.

How old is too old to have sex?

This is an individualized response. This to me depends totally on the person. I have known of some seventy and eighty year old couples that are still sexually active. In marriage, the bed is undefiled and usually when you have two healthy individuals with active hormones and the right chemistry, ain’t o telling what might happen (FIREWORKS). I do know that there are peaks and valleys in a male and females sexual appetite throughout the life-cycle. I have seen some women lose their drive during the peri-menopausal period, but soon after menopause  their sex drive goes up and can go down. In essence it is up to the individual couple. They can have sex as long as they feel healthy (heart functioning appropriately) and they have the appetite and strength as well. If you are a 45 year old man or woman and one evening of sex wears you out for a week, you may want to seek another hobby.

How often should married couples have sex?

This is a much needed discussion. It is essential before marriage that couples read this post and complete a partner-inventory-survey. This is a discussion that can certainly be held before marriage and commitment. What I see often in practice is, after the honeymoon period, sexually things fall apart. Initially there is excitement and the newness of the relationship so sex is not a major issue or point-of-contention. However, once the music stops, things can become a bit more complicated. It is important to have at least a couple of discussions about your sexual habits, behaviors and appetite with your perspective spouse. It is kinda hard to trade a spouse in once you have signed on the dotted line.

Should you try on the hat before you purchase it?

First off, in the church we do not believe in premarital sex. So the question becomes, “How do we know if we are sexually compatible before the night of the honeymoon. This is where pre-marital counseling and very vivid and distinct discussions have to be considered. A couple of considerations you need to keep on the front burner;

• Is this his/her’s first marriage?
• Is he/she a virgin?
• Are there children from previous relationships?
• Does he/she have chronic medical problems? (HTN and Diabetes)
• How does he/she see intimacy and what are some of their views?

Well, I guess you see I have not answered the question yet. In my opinion, this is a discussion that you have to have with your “own” religious leader. If you don’t have one, use your own spiritual discretion. This is a touchy subject for most involved.

Should children change your frequency of having sex?

Of course, there will be changes when the child is very small. There will be required feedings every 2-3 hours , as well as, some exhaustion. However, you will have to really work hard at keeping the “flame of sex” alive during this period because sometimes it goes out or is dimly lit. You may have to schedule date nights or other appointments to do what you do. I must caution you not to neglect your spouse because there is a new baby, but just be sure that everyone has an understanding. Communication is the key during the initial birthing period. However, after all the children get a little older and sleep in their own bed, let her rip again!

What should I do if my spouse will not give me  any?

This is a frequent problem. First, make your reasonable request known to your spouse. If they are physically ill, you should be understanding. Also, if it is that time of the month, you should retreat also. However, if you are feeling sexually neglected and your spouse keeps promising you sex but never provides you with release, you should seek professional counseling with your spouse to find out why. There may be a problems from childhood, fatigue or an undiagnosed illness. However, address it sooner than later.

 “Yes, sex is essential for most healthy relationships.” Some of you may agree or disagree. I would like for you to pick up my book, “Am I in a Bad Relationship?” and let me hear your thoughts on this topic as well.

One of the top 10 reasons relationships fail is because of irregular sex or lack of sex.  So what are you to do when you feel like your sex life is on the verge of extinction. You throw in all the cards and you SPICE it up! First make sure that you and your partner are sexually compatible.  Some people can be one way in person and a TOTALLY DIFFERENT person in bed.  Take the time to get to know your partner intimately and do not be afraid to share with them the things that you like and do not like in bed.  Sometimes you have to think outside the box and start attempting to do things outside of your comfort zone.  Believe it or not spontaneity and trying new things can make you more sexually aroused.

So maybe switching things up a bit might help a bit.

Dr.O

The post Sex in the Graveyard: Kinky, Insane, or Immoral? appeared first on AskDrO.com.

This addiction, better known in psychiatry as an obsession, can lead one into the compulsive behavior of masturbation and sometimes sexual deviant behaviors such as voyeurism. (Voyeurism is he sexual interest or practice of spying on people engaged in intimate behaviors. Taken from Wikipedia) You have to really be careful with this addiction. It can be as powerful as crack/cocaine and enticing as a hot fudge sundae on a cold summer day. (catch the irony in that statement) I have to caution both the sinner and the saint concerning this issue. For in my practice, I have seen it in all denominations and in both sexes,as well. . I have had some patients that would have to leave work to catch a video or go to a peak-a-boo spot. I have had to treat a few pastors who were possessed with this addiction, also.  This stranger is powerful and it usually takes a medical intervention by a licensed physician when things really get bad. Also ladies please be careful with the use/overuse of sex toys because they can also lead to addictive behaviors and destroy your marriage. Likewise both males and females, be careful with the masturbation  trick to as it can also get you into relationship trouble.

If you need a little more help with this topic, please pick up my book @www.askdro.com. There is a chapter that deals specifically with this issue-Sexual Addiction.

Once again thanks for stopping by,

DrO

The post Shh! A Stranger is in the Bedroom:Pornography appeared first on AskDrO.com.

10.  She is my sister.

Ladies you have to question a man that has a whole lot of God-Sisters and Play Sisters.  This is an old but nasty trick. Sister can mean a whole lot of things including a bedtime partner, if you know what I mean.  The next time he tries that, ask him to see some family portraits.

9.  That’s just my “baby mama.” What does that really mean? You might just be a fool if you allow your man to keep going over there for extended periods of time to see his child. Yes, you want him to have a relationship with his children, but probably NOT with his baby’s momma. Old ties never die and don’t you forget it!

8.  I went to church last night. Unless he is sanctified that is usually a lie. Truth be told most holiness churches have stopped having multiple services during the week.  It could be because of the recession. Gas and light is sort of high. Don’t let the devil fool you.  Invite yourself to Bible Study with him one night. How bout it!

7.  I did not have any gas to come over yesterday. If he can get to work, he can get his sorry you-know-what over to your house to change your oil. Listen for some of those excuses that just don’t make sense.  He may be just using you for an occasional booty-call. What is worse you may just be doing the same. Require commitment and loyalty.

6.  I laid down and when I woke-up it was just too late. We really like telling this lie. I was oh so tired. I just couldn’t make it out of bed. I woke-up this morning with my work clothes on from last night. If this is true-he probably stinks and let him stay at home. Otherwise, tell that brother to wake-up and take you out to dinner.

5.  I had to do overtime. If he is doing overtime, make sure that he spends some of that money on you. Drive-by his job if it will decrease your anxiety.  However, you must be prepared if his car is not in THAT parking lot. Overtime should equal more cash flow to you! How bout it!

4.  I am NOT gay! If he gets too defensive when you ask this question-be convinced. Ladies most of you know a brother that loves other brothers.  You cannot change him.  You can try, but it may be pretty hard.  If you decide to move forward with the relationship don’t be surprised we he can’t function sexually. You knew what he liked before you married.  Can a leopard change his spots?  Only if he truly wants too.

3.  I LOVE You. If these words come out too  early be AWARE! People can play on your emotions if you are NOT careful.  To love you, I must know you. Enough said!

2.  I had to do something for my mother/sister.O.K.? What did you have to do? Start your interrogatories. If you let him get away with one lie, he will continue throughout the relationship. Stop it early.

1.  I ain’t lying!-If he has to say it, he most probably is, enough said.

Now you really need to get my ebook, “Am I in a Bad Relationship?” I am sure that it will be helpful. Just click on the link to go to the landing page.

Is this list complete? Did I leave out some of your favorites? Which one do you think is most popular? Does your boyfriend tell lies? Let me hear from you? Brothers keep your hats on, The Top Ten Lies Women Tell is on the way!

Dr. O

The post OMG Black Man Caught Cheating, Episode of Cheaters: Why do men lie? appeared first on AskDrO.com.

Above are the lyrics from John Legend’s song entitled “Number One” featuring Kanye West.  The song goes into depth about the authors promiscuous behavior and how his lover can not leave in spite of  everything he has done.  I am not going to point any fingers but this sounds very familiar and close to home.  John Legend who is engaged to marry Chrissy, famous Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model, is in for a rude awakening if the story turns out to be true.  According to writers at Bossip.com, Legend was out at a Manhattan night spot and engaged in deep conversation with a table next to him.  One of the young ladies in their 20′s went to the restroom and Legend proceeded after her.  Witnesses stated they say Legend pull the young lady into the restroom.   After only several minutes passed they made a break for it out of the restroom.  Another witness states they over heard a conversation the young lady had with her girlfriend in which she stated that she had just had a make out session with Legend in the restroom.

Many people are starting to be more lenient and open when it comes to their relationships.  We always hear about Jada and Will Smith in the media about their open relationship.  Here is a question you may ask yourself: Does your spouse have the right to cheat?

The first time I was asked this question I was floored. It is something that most of us would probably initially respond no. However, the plot thickens in some relationships.  This issue really comes up a lot in relationships. Now there are so many forms of cheating emotional, sexual and now face-booking. This sounds comical but it is so true. A lot of people settle for a piece of a mate than no mate at all. The question that comes up after one has been cheating on in a relationship is , “Am I Stupid for Going Back?” There is no quick or rationale answer to this but it is worthy of  a post and discussion.

 Check out this video

Let Me know what your thoughts are about infidelity and have the times change?  Is cheating the new norm? Have we veered away from our good ole day traditions of monogamous relationships? Until next time, check out my new book at www.AmIinABadRelationship.com

Enough Said,

Dr. O

The post John Legend Allegedly Caught Cheating in the Bathroom with a Groupie!! appeared first on AskDrO.com.

Passive Faith

In my opinion this might be what one would have when all is going well in the home, family and church life.  Your are attending church services, most of the time and you really enjoy your church and pastor. Things at home are good. The finances are good. Sex is on the regular and everybody is just “feeling” good in your opinion. This is also most probably surrounding graduations, birthday parties and even weddings. You have a relationship with God but there ain’t a whole lot of active pursuit. You know what I mean. I am talking about you do just enough to get by and accomplish that weekly spiritual high. You might shout or dance in the service on Sunday, but it is all related to how you feel. Bible study is on your scheduled agenda, but you might be a little tired so if you miss one, you feel like you will be o.k.

Active Faith

Now this one is a little different. This one usually occurs “when all things are seemingly falling apart in your personal life.” This could be as small as a speeding ticket, flat tire and no money to pay for it, a sick child that has the doctors shaking their head because they can”t give you the answers you want to hear. What about a crazy and or abusive spouse that changed 2 years into the marriage.  What about that notice that you will not get an unemployment check this week. What about that physics or chemistry class that seems almost impossible to pass. What about that depression that lingers on and on and on. What about that broken family relationship that you can’t seem to repair. This is when your faith has to be more active. Even the strongest believer, gets weary. Even the preacher might get depressed. The evangelist may hang up her/his robe. The choir member’s notes may even go flat. However, please be advised, although silent in your pain, God is still there. Remember the old saying that, “into each life some rain must fall.” However, I believe that rains comes to wash out the pain, pollen and pests that may have infected and affected our spiritual life.  When trouble comes, your faith has to become more active. You can’t give-up on God, but he will not give-up on you. Some of you are called to a life of prayer (intercessory prayer warrior) so you no what it means to be committed to a life of prayer, But let’s be honest, everyone is not called to be an intercessory prayer warrior. These persons have chosen praying as a lifestyle. However, you should be alarmed.   What do I do when ALL Hell Breaks Loose?

1. Don’t panic, Stand strong in your faith.
2. Read and study God’s word more in this period. Look for solutions in his word.
3. Look forward to god provided you with release.

And most of all, stay faithful. This is not the time to slack off, stop attending church, stop exercising, or time to go into seclusion. Put on those spiritual boxing-gloves and meet the devil head-on. Remember, each battle makes you stronger. In conclusion, a  lot of you are sitting in a bad relationship. Do me a favor go pick-up my e-book at www.askdro.com. This little handbook can really help you get through some of this cycle of abuse and pain that many of you are stuck in.   Good Day and thanks for stopping by,   DrO

The post When ALL Hell Breaks Loose! Depression, Failing Relationships and Unemployment appeared first on AskDrO.com.

You have probably read my other articles updating you on the latest Chris Brown and Bad Girl RiRi drama. But as entertaining as it may seem this is definitely an issue that we must address.  Even the Obama family has made it a priority to present themselves in a respectable light.  President Obama has also initiated funding to offer grants to programs which support healthy relationships among families and teaching proper methods of parenting.  For example the government is offering Pell Grants especially for fathers who are continuing their education. I believe Barack understands that a health family foundation is essential in an overall healthy life.

Instead of RiRi being an advocate for abused women or starting a foundation for battered single mothers, she turned to her offender and gave her morals away.  Just like a child, as long as you continue to reward bad behavior, they will continue to behave poorly.  As you can see Chris apparently has not changed.  ”When someone shows you who they are…believe them.”   Chris was more focused on his birthday then reconciling any differences that he may have with the Pop Star.

Once you start to examine this situation from a different perspective a lot of issues come to light.  One of them being the factor of jealousy.  It is clear that the recent success of Rihanna is too much for Chris to handle.  Rihanna who is currently on world tour is probably receiving a lot of slack from Chris due to her hectic schedule and lack of time to cater to his insecure ego.  Just like in past entertainer relationships where the men’s careers went sour so did their attitudes. For Example: Tina Turner and Ike, Halle Berry and Eric Benet, Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, Mel Gibson and Robyn, Robyn Givens and Mike Tyson, the list goes on.  So this is not news to us anymore.  We have all watched these tragic relationships unfold in the media.

The only fear I have about these type of relationships is when people harm themselves or others.  If you are currently in an abusive relationship seek help immediately.  Statistics state that it usually takes a woman 5 to 7 years to move on from an abusive relationship.  If you don’t care about your own well being at least care about the safety of your children and the everlasting affect that it may have on their lives.  If you have a minute take a look at my new book “Am I in a Bad Relationship” and hopefully it may be an anecdote to your current situation.

Enough Said,

Dr. O

The post Here We Go Round In Circles: Chris B. and Rihanna Split Again! appeared first on AskDrO.com.