Now I don’t think anyone has anything completely negative to say about cookouts but we all know about those unspoken/defined rules that many barbeque attendees break. Well, I’m taking it upon myself to let my readers know the proper etiquette to follow at a cookout.

Here are my top ten guidelines/rules for cookout conduct:

1. At least be invited to the cook out you’re going too. If you’ve been invited to a cook out or any function for that matter and you want to bring someone, at least give the host a heads-up.
2. If you CANNOT COOK or lack even basic culinary skills, don’t volunteer to bring and or prepare food. You’re feelings may be a little hurt when your food dish is the only one that hasn’t been touched or worse, tasted and “talked about”.
3. When serving alcohol, please be mindful of your guest list. If you know some of your family members like to hug the bottle, don’t have it readily available and fully stocked. I’d suggest only purchasing a limited amount of alcoholic beverages. That way once it’s gone, it’s gone and hopefully you can avoid any drunken scenes or rants that are induced by intoxication.
4. To the “Grill Master”- please, please, please don’t serve anyone undone or pink meat. The meat is the best part and if you screw that up, you and your guests might as well pack up and go to a restaurant because no one will get full off of potato salad and baked beans.
5. To the seconds, thirds and fourths helping  people: Don’t make it your mission to eat everything in sight. There is usually an abundance of food at cookouts so at least let everyone eat once before you go back and clear-out the table.
6. I’m only saying this because I’ve witnessed it first-hand. If you bring your own tupperware to barbeques, stop that. It’s embarrassing.
7. If you have family members who steal, make sure you put your valuables away or either lock the doors of rooms in your house. I know you love your cousin Jimmy and he loves you too but he also loves to steal.
8. Have a variety of foods on the menu, not just what you like. If you’re inviting people to your home, you have to cater to them not just you. Also, a cook-out is not always the best time to experiment or try something new. If you haven’t tried it before or you have and it was still nasty, don’t give it a second chance on the day you have people over.
9. Make sure your house and or back/front yard is clean. People may only be coming into the kitchen and bathroom (and Please give those what I like to call a “company cleaning”, meaning more vigorous than your usual routine) but your house still needs to look presentable.
10. Finally, have fun! Play games, sing songs, look at old photo albums, reminiscence and just enjoy the fellowship. There’s bound to be a few head butts at any family function but don’t let that ruin your good time.

I hope this post made you smile a bit. Do you have a better tip that I didn’t address here? What’s the worst pet-peeve you have about family/friend gatherings such as this?

Happy Memorial Day!

Dr. O

Picture source: http://www.whileiwasdrunk.org/suppose-this-means-hes-finished-eating-drunk-meal-passed-out-drunk-203.html

The post Don’t Invite Your Drunk Cousin Who Steals: Cook Out Rules 101 appeared first on AskDrO.com.

From the video we learn that there was some sort of altercation between the victim and his alleged, unidentified attacker that’s believed to be his (former, now I’m sure) girlfriend. It’s not hard to imagine how this took place. The guy is at the court playing ball with his buddies. They’re having a great time, his team is winning and then all of a sudden, his girl drives up. She confronts him about a text she saw and “evidence” she found in his pockets. He tries to lie and say “Babe, I don’t know what you’re talking about”. She acts like she’s about to walk off and go home but whips her (and this is no pocket knife in the guys back) blade and throws it at his back with perfect aim and precision (if you notice, the knife looks as if it’s directly in the middle of his back)!

While an extreme reaction, I can’t say that I’m fully surprised. Discovering that your partner has stepped out on you will probably evoke emotions you’ve never had and actions you wouldn’t normally do, like trying to stab someone. You’re heartbroken, angry, confused, sad and are unable to fully process the consequences of your behavior at the time. I recently informed you on popular Gospel singer and one half of the Mary Mary group, Tina Campbell, reveling to Ebony magazine that she too attempted to stab her husband (several times) after learning of his infidelity. A crime of passion to the fullest. One of those “if I can’t have you nobody will” type scenarios.

But back to the video, while as of now it’s unclear of the condition of the cheater, I’m concerned that out of all those witnesses in the park, everyone seemed to be more interested in capturing the video and taking pictures instead of than actually tending to the stab wound victim. But that’s the world we live in now. Record now , and call for help later.

Dr. O

Picture source: http://www.spyghana.com/senior-high-school-girl-stabs-boyfriend/

The post Caught on Tape: Girl Allegedly Stabs Cheating Boyfriend in the Back! appeared first on AskDrO.com.

A few months ago, a young girl decided to take her life by hanging herself in the bathroom of her home due to jealousy of her new baby sibling. Sadly, another adolescent has chosen to end her life as well. The New York Post reported that 12 year old Gabrielle Molina  from Queens, New York was found hanging from a ceiling fan by a belt in her home. The cause? Cyber bullying. Molina left a suicide note to her family explain her choice to kill herself.  The child’s mother told authorities that her daughter was “depressed over constant online harassment from classmates”.

The thing about cyber bullying is that essentially, you can’t really get away from it because it’s online and by now everyone should know that whatever you post on the internet will live on forever somewhere in the time continuum and it’s quick.  This could be in the form of pictures, videos, audio, comments or essentially anything that’s transferable to the internet instantly accessible to anyone that wants it. It could be teen years down the road and you’ve gotten your corporate job, married the love of your life and have a family. Then out the blue, little David is on the computer playing his spelling game and a old, college  “girls gon wild” picture of you pops up on the screen. Now what? Now imagine how much worse that would be for a young child.

Let’s get a quick understanding of all that cyber bullying consists of for those of you that don’t know.

As reported by Bullying Statistics:

Cyber bullying can take many forms:

• Sending mean messages or threats to a person’s email account or cell phone
• Spreading rumors online or through texts
• Posting hurtful or threatening messages on social networking sites or web pages
• Stealing a person’s account information to break into their account and send damaging messages
• Pretending to be someone else online to hurt another person
• Taking unflattering pictures of a person and spreading them through cell phones or the Internet
• Sexting, or circulating sexually suggestive pictures or messages about a person

We all know how mean and cruel- hearted some kids can be. The kids at her school could have been teasing her from her looks, an embarrassing picture, boys, family life, ethnicity anything. Coming from middle schoolers, the taunts were most likely about trivial things but by her decision, it was clearly too much and happened too often for her  handle.

Bullying Statistics also states that “over 25 percent of adolescents and teens have been bullied repeatedly through their cell phones or the Internet” and over half of them don’t let their parents know about it.

What are your thoughts on this? This 12 year old should not have felt that death was the only release from cyber bullying! What are some ways we can help bring these numbers down among cyber bully victims? Should we petition schools to not allow cell phones on the campus or create stronger internet restrictions while at school? Should parents start monitoring their child’s cell phone  if they’re under 15? Tell me what you think!

Dr. O

Picture source: http://www.annapolis.gov/government/city-departments/police/community-connection/community-resource-library/cyberbullying

The post Middle Schooler Hangs Herself Due to Cyber Bullying appeared first on AskDrO.com.

According to Will, parents should let their kids do what they want, not what the parents want them to do, basically. Check out the excerpt from his interview.

As reported by Haute Living:

The things you say and do in the world will affect the family for real. My style of parenting is very similar to that of my parents, minus the concept of ownership. I think that, specifically in African American households, the idea coming out of slavery, there’s a concept of your children being property and that was a major part that Jada and I released with our kids. We respect our children the way we would respect any other person.

I have mixed feelings about this, Willow may seem  a little “out there” to some when it comes to her wardrobe choices and musical selections (Jaden seems to be the more toned down one) but other than that, we don’t see too much negative press about them and from what we see in public, they don’t seem to be troubled young stars like so many other members of young Hollywood, considering that they “rule their own terrain”. So maybe there’s something to Will and Jada’s approach.  However, I don’t totally agree with the non-structured, approach to parenting. I don’t think kids should be free to do whatever they want in every aspect of their lives because kids don’t have the full mental capacity yet to navigate through all their decisions properly. That’s what parents are for, to guide their kids in the direction they need to go.

As far as claiming that Black people getting the idea of owning their kids from slavery, this I’m more decided on. The Black community is known for having a more disciplined home life, which “whoopings” and punishment (another thing the Smiths opt out of) but I don’t believe it’s detrimental in most cases (we’ll discuss the fine line between disciple and abuse in another post), but I do believe it’s affective when used properly.

What do you think about the Smith’s parenting techniques? Do you think they will backfire as Jaden and Willow get older or should more parents try their methods?

Dr. O

Picture source: http://www.sassygossip.com/will-smith-stands-strong-by-his-family.html

The post Will Smith Dishes on How Most Black People Think They “Own” Their Kids appeared first on AskDrO.com.

A while back, the word was out that she originally owed around two million dollars but it looks like that number has spiked since then (I guess the IRS  went back and double checked their work). Not to mention the speculation surrounding her shady, unpaid  scholarship awards or the “additional $900k she allegedly owes the Garden State” TMZ reported that she still owes.

As reported by TMZ:

The post Mary J. Blige Owes Uncle Sam Too! appeared first on AskDrO.com.

I would like to share with you the DSM-V (APA DSM-V Copyright 2013) criteria for this disorder. If you think that you might meet criteria, please notify your psychiatrist (if you have one) or your PCP (primary care physician). Please don’t tell me that you don’t have a PCP. If not, please call your insurance company or go to the nearest community health clinic because the life you save may be your very own. Remember that obesity can be a silent killer that leads us into a number of health sequelae that don’t look or feel good.

A. Recurrent episodes of binge eating.  An episode of binge eating is characterized by both of the following:

1.  Eating, in a discrete period of time, an amount of food that is definitely larger than what most people would eat in a similar period of time under similar circumstances.

2.  A sense of lack of control over eating during the episode.

B.  The binge-eating episodes are associated with 3 or more of the following:

1. Eating much more rapidly than normal.
2. Eating until feeling uncomfortably full.
3.  Eating large amounts of food when not feeling physically hungry.
4. Eating alone because of feeling embarrassed by how much one is eating.
5. Feeling disgusted with oneself, depressed, or very guilty afterward.

C.   Marked distress regarding binge-eating is present.

D.  The binge-eating occurs, on average, at least once a week for three months.

E.  The binge eating is not associated with the recurrent use of inappropriate compensatory behaviors as in bulimia nervosa or anorexia nervosa.

(Taken directly from the APA’ s DSM-V Manual)

Oftentimes the source of the eating issues lies in bad relationship dynamics. I need you to also go by www.askdro.com and pick up my book, “Am I in A Bad Relationship?”  This book will most probably be helpful for those of you who also meet criteria for this disorder.

Dr. O

Picture source: http://eatingdisorderfreeme.com/eating-disorder-treatment/binge-eating/binge-eating-disorder/

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